I almost never get bored. In fact, I’ve been so busy lately that I haven’t had much time to update my blog. So, since I haven’t been available to keep my readers properly entertained, I’ve created a list of things you can do -- just in case you happen to get bored waiting for my next post.
1.) Create a LinkedIn profile for Satan and send people connection requests asking for their souls.
2.) Go to the grocery store and ask the butcher if s/he has any koala meat available. If the response is no, tell the butcher you know where to find it cheap and give him/her directions to the zoo.
3.) Write up a proposal to add a helicopter landing pad on top of your house and submit it to the homeowners association for review.
4.) Start a corporation called “Pass the Buck, Inc.” and specialize in blame shifting. Place ads in the Wall Street Journal and wait for the phone to ring. Offer special discounts to politicians.
5.) Step into a crowded elevator, look around, and then remark how impressed you are that the cleaning crew managed to get all that blood off the walls. Then talk about how you still can’t get it off your shoes and would really like to know what products they use.
6.) Randomly place “For Sale” signs in front of your neighbors’ houses. Add a line advertising “Family included!”
7.) Paint flames going up the arms of your chair at work. If your chair doesn’t have arms, place it in the hallway with a coffee cup and a sign that says, “Please help - I have no arms and need money for a transplant.”
8.) Dress up as a witch and go to your neighbor’s house asking if you can borrow a cup of children.
9.) Think up creative names for your WiFi to mess with your neighbors such as “I am Big Brother” or “Party tonight at [insert your neighbor’s address here]” or “Silence of the LANs” or “IRS Surprise Mobile Audit Team.” Be creative and think like a stalker.
10.) If all else fails, follow the example of Pinky and the Brain and try to take over the world. That should keep you busy for quite awhile. It is a big place, after all.
Wow, all cool dark ideas for short stories. Have a great day and I don't think anyone will ever get bored coming to your blog.
ReplyDeleteLove all your ideas for combating boredom, especially the one about addressing the neighborhood association with a proposed helicopter pad...I was thinking of requesting to paint the house neon pink. Our HOA is so anal they make me crazy wasting paper and a postage stamp to tell us we "can't" allow more than one, at the most two, newspapers on our lawn at a time...or we "can't" leave six stepping stones neatly stacked by our garage until we find time for that project we planned...or we "can't" have our garbage can in view before or after "curfew."
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